Cleanse Day 3: Red wine and younger women
I have always been fascinated by the social implications of drinking. Or more interestingly, of not drinking.
I don’t drink much alcohol to begin with. I do not like the taste of hard liquors at all. I might sip the occasional liqueur, but so rarely you might as well say never. I can’t drink red wine, because of my rosacea. And the preservatives in a lot of commercial beers cause my throat to fill up with mucous, leaving just expensive mirco-brewery beers as my option. Which pretty much leaves me with white wine.
Over the course of my adult years, I have gone for extended periods of time not drinking any alcohol at all. And when I am in alcohol drinking phases, quite often I chose to not have an alcoholic beverage, while everyone else is drinking alcohol.
And this seems to bother people!
They keep asking me if I want something to drink. “My water is fine, thank you,” I respond. But this is not good enough for them. Over the course of the evening they will keep asking. For some reason, they are extremely uncomfortable that I am not drinking alcohol right alongside them. Almost as if I am judging them. As if they are doing something wrong, and to alleviate their guilt, they need to me to drink too.
I am used to this. What I am not used to is my own reaction to not drinking alcohol, when others are.
You see, last night, the Urbane Lion had a much younger, slim, attractive, female, former co-worker over for a visit. He offered her an alcoholic drink, which she accepted. Then he offered me one (he still hasn’t gotten the whole cleanse concept), and I requested sparkling water with a splash of cranberry juice.
The Lion turned to the younger, slim, attractive female and said “La Madam has had a rough Summer.”
The younger, slim, attractive female then turned to me, with an expression to suggest I was an alcoholic old hag, and not quite so sweetly asked “Too many parties?”
Ouch!
I was too horrified to respond, but interestingly, a party is the one place is I NEVER drink. I am uncomfortable in a huge crowd, and like to have my full wits about me. And when I am hosting a party, I want tobe fully alert to the state of my alcohol drinking guests.
Because the Lion and Miss Thang were speaking only in French, I wandered away. When I came back to join them, the Lion was pouring wine for the two of them. And here is where my reaction got very interesting …
I was hurt!
It was like they were sharing in something intimate. They were drinking wine together, and there I was with just my sparkling water. It’s like I was an outsider looking in.
Now how stupid is that?!!!!!
I still didn’ cave. I stuck to my sparkling water. But I just never felt part of the evening.
Okay, there was the whole language barrier thing, but the fact that they were drinking alcohol and I wasn’t was a very odd part of me feeling left out.
I can’t even begin to figure any of it out.
Fire away with your thoughts on the social aspects of drinking alcohol.
Though I don’t have any allergies (that I know of) to alcohol, sometimes I choose not to drink, or have just one - usually at office parties, for instance - so as not to be the “life” of the party and also to avoid a DUI…
I have often found that people want to have everyone else drinking, maybe to justify their own intoxication.
On New Year’s Eve this year, for instance, I had not a drop when we went out to dinner and dance. So many people came up to me and asked why I wasn’t drinking, had I decided to go ‘dry’, etc. - quite simply, I was on antibiotics for pneumonia and I was also the DD.
But it was amazing how uncomfortable it seemed to make some people.
Panther,
In my humble opinion, Miss Thang and Lion chatting away in French would have made it seem like there was an intimacy you couldn’t get inside, even if you’d all been drinking water. Or put another way, if you wandered back and they were sharing brie but you despise brie and Lion knows it, it would have felt about the same. From the way, way outside here… I’m not so sure it was the wine. That was just an added barrier.
I’m sure in a larger party situation some folks do think non-drinkers are being uptight. I myself never notice who is and isn’t drinking—but coming from an Irish family where we used to have a pretty constant party schedule, I’ve seen the hazing that a non-drinker takes many times.
Regards,
Kelly
Never been much of a drinker myself, I sometimes drink at parties and sometimes don’t. Yes people tend to ask why you are not drinking, but because I am not self-conscious about drinking or not drinking, I rarely bother to notice their reactions.
But the interesting part is that the people who are most concerned about your not drinking are the ones who are heavy drinkers or the ones with a drinking problem.
The ones who are moderate or social drinkers don’t tend to notice what you are drinking.
I agree with Kelly, and will add even more. First, the Lion having a young, slim, attractive woman over is bound to have an effect on you, as he should be aware. Second, he refers to you as “La Madam,” “the Mrs.,” rather than as “my wife” or “my sweetie,” for instance, which would show your value to him. Instead, he makes you more of an outsider to the two of them by using this phrase. Third, Ms. Thang acts like a bitch, making you more of an outsider. And then comes them talking only in French, which is rude when they know you can’t. They should only do that if you’ve clearly left the conversation or if they’ve first asked if you mind.
None of this has anything to do with drinking, but has everything to do with ways of excluding you.
Ugh-
It really bothers me when people look at you weird when you don’t want to partake in alcohol. I rarely drink- and if I do, it’s having 1 beer at home, once in a blue moon. I don’t really like the taste, and I don’t like the way it makes me feel, or the fact that I am putting poison into my body. I prefer my water or my tea.
First response I get from everyone when I turn down a drink is that everyone thinks I’m pregnant, and then that turns into a lengthy prodding discussion on how that must be the reason, and I’m just not telling them the truth.
It makes for an uncomfortable evening when every 5 mins someone is trying to push wine or beer or spirits on you.
I like to be sober when there is alot of drinking going on, mainly so that I dont’ get into trouble, or hurt or someone I care about gets hurt- and also- alcohol really makes ppl pushy and gutsy and they like to push and prod and say things out of character..I’d like to be sober to drive away and leave that type of environment.
I agree with Sanjay- it is the heavy drinkers that take notice and start getting really pushy and mean…they don’t think they have a problem, but they do.