Embarrassed by my fellow females
Let’s talk exotic dancers.
That got your attention!
The other day, during a business trip to Toronto, I was walking down Yonge Street reminiscing. And there was the strip club where I went to see male strippers for the first time. Twenty-six years ago.
It was also the last time I have seen male strippers.
I was working right downtown, and a female co-worker was horrified that I had not been to a strip club. So, after several months of nagging me, I caved, and away we went.
I’m sorry, but ladies, when it comes to watching male dancers, you are pigs!
I have never been so embarrassed for my fellow females!
Hooting, and hollering, and cat calling, and whistling. And generally carrying on like a bunch of wild thangs.
In the ensuing years, I have been to see female strippers. Purely as an anthropological study to compare the two types of clubs, of course.
Men are not pigs.
Men order beers, talk with their buddies, and occassionally glance over at the girls on stage.
Eight out of ten men are horrified if a girl actually approaches their table. And of the two that are interested, only one of them will head back to the Champagne Lounge.
Actually, I’m not really sure why the guys go. It seems to be the case of paying an outrageous sum of money for beer in order to say no to good looking women!
Anyway, back to us women. Personally, I was pretty bored watching the male strippers. They clearly fell into two categories.
1. Good looking university or college students helping to pay for their tuition;
2. Scary looking older guys paying for their drugs.
I hold no judgements on anyone, male or female, choosing to be an exotic dancer. And I am sure they can make some pretty good money. But for me, this type of entertainment is not the least bit sexy or sensual.
They are people simply doing their job. Enter stage right, shake something, strip something off, swing around a pole, shake something again, exit stage left.
So, ladies, what is all this hooting and hollering about? These are men. Fellow human beings. Somebodies brother, or uncle, or father. Not pieces of meat to be fought over like a pack of hungry wolves.
If men conducted themselves in this fashion at a female strip club, they would be tossed out of the club by some burly bouncer faster than you can say g-string.
Personally, if I had to make the choice to go an exotic club with a bunch of women or a bunch of men, I am hanging out with the boys. They seem to know how to behave themselves.
So, ladies, please explain the whole Chippendale fascination to me.
At gay strip bars the men applaud at the beginning and the end, but they certainly don’t hoot and holler or act inappropriate (unless they ask for the attention of course).
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Stop Waiting, Start Living: The Launch of a Someday-Busting Ebook
It’s SO refreshing to hear a woman say this.
Because if guys acted like women do at strip clubs, they’d be kicked out on their arse within seconds by a big bouncer named Spike.
There’s definitely a double standard here, when it comes to grunting and hollering, and talking about sex. When guys do it…they’re pigs. When women do it, they’re “exploring their sexuality”.
Take the show “Sex in the City”, for example. If it focused on a bunch of guys objectifying women and trying to get laid, there would be candle-light vigils in protest, and the show would be off the air.
But since it’s a bunch of middle-aged women doing the same thing well, tee-hee, isn’t it sorta CUTE and FUNNY?
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I guess you’ve been to some pretty tame strip clubs because I’ve been to some where the men were pretty disgusting — as disgusting as they could get without getting thrown out. Have you ever been to one when there’s a bachelor party going on? And, if men are only going to these places for a beer and chat with their buddies why not go to somewhere where the beer is more reasonably priced and the floors aren’t as sticky? Men have the advantage of being allowed lap dances and “champagne rooms” and work off the sexual energy generated by the strippers. Women get a look at what’s on the stage and that’s it. I don’t understand the attraction of these places for either gender. This is not entertainment. Strippers are not dancers or performers. They are naked bodies out to titillate other bodies in order to make money. It’s sad to me that most of the people in this profession are forced to be there by circumstances of poverty or dependancy of whatever sort.
Anyway, as to your main point and Friar’s I do totally agree that there’s a big double standard when it comes to stuff like this
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I never quite got it either…………..:)
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I attended several strip clubs with the boys when I was much younger. Both as you say somewhat classy ones and as Xup says some real hellish dives.
I soon figured that if I wanted an expensive evening where I could be close to a sexy woman but then go home frustrated I could just go on regular dates instead.
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Never been to one of either type. Never wanted to get my engine running only to turn off the ignition.
Dot’s last blog post..The Joys of Alcohol and Other Fallacies
Never been but they make lots of money. The strip joints and exotic dance clubs in my part of the world make oodles of cash. Male exotic dancers and strippers are not the norm here -it’s usually women who are strippers and e dancers. I actually know a woman who used to e dance for the money and she’s now a top veterinary surgeon.
Paisley’s last blog post..My ‘Salad Days’
Interesting observations.
When I was in college, and before the whole strip club-cum-exotic dancing–cum—lap dancing–cum–isn’t this so cool, as things started to change about strip joints, we were out to the next new new thing.
We had a very low key one in a local shopping mall, at our college town in San Diego.
To confirm some of your observations, we loved to go there after our initial round of partying, because firstly, they had very cool and LOUD music, a pool table, pitchers of beer at a great price, a pulsating chandelier with cool lights, and tables for our entire crew to sit down, chat, and party even harder–hey that’s what we did.
The girls were a total afterthought. We’d talk, chat, and generally have a good time, and for all intents and purposes were disinterested in the girls and certainly never oogled the girls nor were there with any kind of perverted kind of thoughts in mind.
Naturally, being the young, handsome, and wild young college men that we were, the girls were all dumbfounded and also interested in us at the same time because we weren’t like the other patrons. We paid them no heed. We were out for ourselves. Of course it DIDN’T hurt that their were topless young women dancing to the music but that was about it. For us it was just the entire experience.
NO DRAMA….
With that said, of course, many of them introduced themselves to my friends–and to myself–and quite a few wanted to go out with us. Even one to this day–a young stunning blond wanted to go out with me; but still that was only icing on the cake.
I still laugh at one of the girls who was literally chasing one of our friends to go out with.
To make a long story short, we went there because it was part of our routine–I think those days are long gone.
As to how women behave when men strip, when at a “strip joint” aka I can only surmise its a form of learned behavior–or some strange ritual that’s not supposed to be deviated from.
Oh well, my 2 cents worth.
I did go to graduate school with a woman who was a bartender at a very classy strip club, but have never been to one myself. I have heard lots of about strippers of either sex who come to a bachelor party or shower and cause trouble.
I am not very into surface sexual things - except Spring is Sexy in floral kinds of ways!
Patricia’s last blog post..Hesitation
Friar - okay, first, I do NOT like Sex & the City. The horror, the shame of it all. And is that what women are doing hooting and hollering, exploring their sexuality? Huh, I can think of much more fun ways to do that!
XUP - one was a pretty nice establishment, true enough. The other one, not so much. But there were no bachelor parties on the go at the time. The pretty nice establishment was full of very healthy (mentally and physically) women, who were likely going to end up with zero debt after they were finished university. I would say, they were there by their own choice. The not so much nice establishment was full of skinny little girls who were probably there to support their habit, a boyfriend’s habit, or a pimp’s habit. I do not agree with that at all, nor do I agree with patrons that support that type of environment. Yes, I was one of the patrons, but interestingly, I truly was there because my activist friend took me to show what was going on.
Lisa - she says completely avoiding any mention as to whether she’s been or not *grin*
Bandobras - and at least you could have her undivided attention for the evening, as opposed to sharing her with thirty other men … um, right?
Dot - you crack me up! That’s too funny. Well, male strippers don’t even turn my key. Now the Lion, he starts my engine and keeps it running clear across the finish line *wicked smile*
Paisley - again, if it is truly the woman’s of choice, I don’t have a problem making your money as a stripper. There aren’t many male strippers here either. There are the Chippendale’s that make the rounds with their show. And the local fireman auction off sexy calendars of themselves to raise money for charity. Double whammy with that one. A man in a uniform with a buff bare chest and bulging biceps.
David - no perverted thoughts in mind … puh-leeze, David, not a single one? *grin* Seriously, your description is pretty much in line with my observations. I think it’s sort of an expected place to go amongst young men. Then men fall into two camps: those who continue to enjoy trips to the ballet; those who don’t. I’d say the majority of men fall into the latter.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..Embarrassed by my fellow females
UP - Actually none. It was just one more place for us to hang out and continue to party. Hell, many nights we were the point of interest.
Now I am thinking about how sexual the older women were in Calendar Girls because you knew their story and their intentions.
Patricia’s last blog post..Hesitation
Patricia - that was a great movie. And when I turn 50, I actually want to have my talented daughter take artful nude black and white photographs of me, to embrace aging, as opposed to fearing it.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..Embarrassed by my fellow females
The only time I went to a strip club it was for my cousin’s bachelorette party the night before her wedding. I was horrifingly embarrassed - thank God I wasn’t the bride. She was placed up on stage on a chair while this dude with the biggest schlong I’ve ever seen crammed into a skimpy speedo-type jock strap humped her to the delight of all the “ladies” in the place. She was a good sport and didn’t seem to mind. You just know that the majority of these hot young men were gay and could care less about all the leering and jeering women throwing themselves and their money at them. Funny thing was, on the other half of the building was a strip club for all the guys - and guess where the groom spent his evening? We all met up afterwards upon exiting and probably had more fun together than we did apart.
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Patricia - ’surface sexual things’ … that is a brilliant statement. I think that’s the part I don’t get. There is nothing sensual about strippers. And the sexual part is exactly how you describe it, surface. As they are dancing, be they men or women, their eyes are glazed over, and they are simply going through the motions.”
I agree w UP - it’s all fake, phony, a fraud. People playing out their misery in front of others both ways.
Sad really.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..Embarrassed by my fellow females
As a rugby player I am frequently in the position off ducking out of going to strip clubs. I don’t see the point in paying some stranger excessive sums of money to not have sex with me, when my wife will do that for free!
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Hi Panther - I can’t understand it, either (women’s carry on at male strippers, that is). I haven’t ever been to see either male or female strippers - apparently my anthropological studies have not been as extensive as yours - but I’ve seen them on telly or something. (head shaking)
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I don’t get turned on by visuals. A nice voice, kind eyes, a nice gesture, a little flirting… THAT is what does it. A show of strength is more important than looking strong. Like when hubby sweeps me up & carries me off to bed. He can still do this, even with a pot belly.
I always wonder if the women at those clubs are just faking it.
As for the men. How sad and pathetic, to have to go to a nasty place like that. Blech.
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Wendy - sad and pathetic for the men, but shouldn’t it be sad and pathetic for women who go and watch male strippers? Fair is fair and all. Wow, swept up and carried off to the bed! Wow! And I thought the Lion is romantic!
Urban Panther’s last blog post..Embarrassed by my fellow females
Hi UP - I really liked The Full Monty
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I know a high-class stripper who worked the top club in Montreal for three years. Top of the top. She’s retired now, but she shares stories openly about her experiences. I feel they may be more appropriate to the discussion than my experiences and opinions.
Some men are perfectly normal and respectful. They want to talk, they want to feel desirable, they want to have someone dance next to them while they blatantly ignore them and continue their business discussion.
Some are totally… well, to use the word tossed about here, pigs. She said that these men were ones she could spot a mile away, and her gut instinct rarely proved her wrong. They’d be upscale people with money and suits, and so obliviously disrespectful of her as a person that there’s one word to this day she cannot utter without dripping revulsion:
Whore.
She speaks well of the men that went to the club for whatever reason they did. She speaks with heavy disgust and derision for anyone who views her as a whore. Clearly, some did, and those few created deep scars that stuck with her far more than those who respected her.
And yes, she did feel respected despite her occupation, so don’t get into that part about stripping being disrespectful or whatever.
It was a job that kept her well fed, well dressed and well above the streets. She’d do it again today, if society accepted it, and she’s a very clean soccer mum of two with a loving husband.
Kind of funny how the world works.
Anyways, I’ve digressed but I thought maybe it adds something. Or not.
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James - excellent input, thanks. Like I said, I have no problems whatsoever with someone choosing to be a stripper (as opposed to being forced into it). More power to her or him. My personal opinion is that the naked body, and sensuality, is normal and healthy. Nor do I have a problem with respectful patrons of these establishments. If you want to look at the naked body (and perhaps pay extra for an up close look) then that’s okay too. But neither men nor women should treat the dancers with disrespect. Which was the point of my post. Why do women think they have the right to treat male strippers like a piece of meat caught in a shark feeding frenzy? While there are men that treat the female strippers the same, they are also labelled as pigs (deservedly so).So, why aren’t women labelled as pigs?
Urban Panther’s last blog post..Embarrassed by my fellow females
I have never understood why females would want to go see male strippers. When I was in college, the drunk guys would frequently expose themselves and wildly dance, and it didn’t cost me a dime!
On a serious note, it just doesn’t do anything for me. And now that I’m married, as Mr. Geek says - this is why I have a spouse. (Granted, I have yet to get him to dance wildly…)
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Urban Panther’s last blog post..Embarrassed by my fellow females
Hi Urban Panther,
I don’t see the need to be carnivorous in the clubs. My hubby is all the dancer I want — clothed or otherwise!
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Urban Panther’s last blog post..Embarrassed by my fellow females